Non-Existent Cables, Poufs, and Bad Ink

This afternoon, The Husband and I have gone back and forth between an eternal marathon of “Call of the Wildman” and “Bad Ink” because it is Sunday afternoon, my beloved New Orleans Saints have already beaten the tar out of the Arizona Cardinals, and there is absolutely nothing on television.  It feels kind of unreal, like that one dentist visit years ago when I was not only numbed up but was also under the influence of nitrous oxide and I was caught in this perpetual drug-induced haze while the song “Mony, Mony” by Billy Idol was being piped into the room.  It seemed to last forever.  To this day, I can’t stand hearing that song. 

 

Show me the nitrous!!

I’ve been working on Christmas gifts and after many tortured days of browsing Ravelry patterns, I chose a project that I can’t mention due to the whole Christmas-surprise thing, except to say that it had cables.  Now, I’ve done a few cables before, but nothing extensive, and I must admit, I struggled a little to get them done without breaking a needle or a finger.  But hey, that was a while ago and I’m so much more experienced overall, so surely cables would be no big deal, right? 

How they are supposed to look.

Um…wrong.

First attempt:  stitches were way too tight -  this, a by-product of my previous cable experience where I was told that my tension wasn’t tight enough to close up the hole created by crossing the stitches.  After one row, my fingers were cramped into a semi-paralytic state.  As soon as I could feel my hands again, I ripped it all out.

Second attempt:  after having read some advice on cabling online, I relaxed and just knit.  After looking at the result, I was no longer relaxed and I ripped it all out.

Third attempt:  yeah, this didn’t happen.

So, any advice on cables?  Please?  Help!  I would hate to think that my knitting repertoire will never include beautiful and well-executed cables.  For example, Tanis Lavallee’s I Heart Cardigans pattern is in my queue and I simply must knit it eventually (because I totally heart it) so the cable thing has just GOT to work out for me. 

I managed to find another pattern I liked for the same type of garment to use my beautiful Terra yarn by The Fibre Company, colorway Ash for the Christmas gift.  All I can show you is this:

Love this color!

Something else I’ve been putzing around with is using up some more of my super-bulky Katia Peru yarn that I have in my stash.  I used some for my recent Iced cardi, and it reminded me that I have a ton of the stuff.  What better way to use up super-bulky yarn than to knit a hat?  I’ve been fascinated with berets so I chose an easy-looking basic beret pattern from Ravelry and went to work.  I got the hat done quickly but I have a question.  Why do I have a “pouf” in the back?  I’m thinking berets are supposed to be kinda flat on the top side, no?  Witness:

Who's the old broad??

Is this normal?  Is it the pattern?  Is this something that is flattened out with blocking?  How does one go about blocking a beret?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

 I know, I’m so needy today.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I’ve almost finished the “orange sherbet” kids’ sweater.  I’ve had some of you express your appreciation for the color.  Unfortunately, it has not grown on me.  I shall be glad to have done with it.

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